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Zen

Terwijl ik slachtoffer ben van de plaag van de eeuw, valt me op dat die mijnheer achter me rustig voor zich uit blijft kijken. Ik hou hem in mijn achteruitkijkspiegel in het oog en ongelooflijk maar waar die blijft daar bijna onbeweeglijk met handen op het stuur zitten. Op 50 meter heb ik al in het handschoenkastje gekeken … zomaar, mijn haar weer netjes gelegd, de zonneklep naar boven gezet, het raam wat open gedraaid, mijn handtas rechtgezet die was omgevallen, de radiozender veranderd, aan de airco gemorreld, mijn broekspijp naar beneden getrokken. Allemaal afleidingsmanoeuvres om niet zenuwachtig of ongeduldig te worden. Mijn innerlijk taalgebruik deftig te houden. Er staat nochtans niets op mijn “programma” dat dringend is. Al die anderen rijden naar hun werk en zouden reden hebben om lastig te worden. Ik rij terug naar huis. De kinderen zijn netjes op tijd afgeleverd in de school. Kalm, rustig, beheerst, geduldig zijn niet MIJN gaven. Ik zag dat ze een nieuwe serie Yogalessen organiseren dicht bij de gemeente. Ooit heb ik het 4 lessen uitgehouden want ik bewonder mensen die "rustig" door het leven gaan en dan ben ik maar weggebleven want die boze blikken van de Yogi  logen er niet om. Ik kreeg constant de slappe lach en dat stilliggen lukte langs geen kanten.
Dat fabricagefoutje speelt me ook parten in mijn dieetavontuur. Ik weet het nochtans zo goed. In het begin gaat het als een trein en dan blijft mijn gewicht lange tijd op hetzelfde niveau terwijl al die vetcelletjes zich opnieuw organiseren of vervangen worden door iets zwaardere maar slankere spiercellen. Vele keren is dat het punt waar ik het opgeef. Gisteren sloeg ik tilt en at toch van die frietjes. Vandaag probeer ik halsstarrig “Zen” te blijven en vol te houden.

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